D'oh!

Found this site last night and I have to say the resemblance is remarkable!

http://simpsonizeme.com/

Insight into Small Press Publishing

Steve Upham of ScreamingDreams Publishing has done a great PDF ezine regarding the trials and tribulations of adding a print publishing side to his Ezine Estronomicon. It's a free PDF and well worth a read here is the link: Free PDF You'll need Acrobat or something to read it.

Two books worth reading!

I don't usually review or recommend books on my blog, but I do have Library Thing down the side to show what I'm reading or have read etc. However, I've just finished two books which I'd like to endorse to anyone who enjoys a fast paced fantasy and they are:

The Blade Itself

and

Before They Are Hanged both by Joe Abercrombie

Although I normally read SF, Neal Asher, Gibson, Reynolds, Richard Morgan, etc etc, now and then I enjoy reading something in the fantasy genre, could be because in my younger days I played D&D turn based board games with a gang of drunken friends and had some great times, could be because I like MMORPGs too and they are mostly fantasy-based. Anyway, it was a joy reading these two books and I have a feeling that Joe might have delved into the D&D & MMORPG worlds now and then too. Both books are of the non-stop page turning variety and should be read in sequential order, the third, and I think final book is due out March 2007 ( a long time to bloody wait!)

His characters have a flair to them that has you rooting even for the nastier of the bunch, take Glokta the torturer for example. A character that was once the best swordsman in the land but now crippled through being tortured himself. Glokta has embraced the only skill left to him, inflicting pain, seeking out confessions (whether or not the person has done it!) with an expertise born from an intimate knowledge of suffering, you can't help but like him!

Logen, the barbarian who seems to have death sitting on his shoulder, wherever he goes bodies are usually left in his wake, broken, torn and always bereft of life (and that's not only his enemies, his friends can also end up the same way)

There are loads more of well-drawn characters within Joe's novels and even if you are not a fantasy genre reader I'd still say give these stories a try, you may become converted!

Some more stuff published

Had some more of my work published lately, firstly had a poem of mine - 'The Grapes Of Wrath' published in the summer issue #15 of Whispers of Wickedness Magazine (also have a short story on their website)

And the other good news is I had a set of four SF/SFF haiku printed in Hahaku a collection of senryu-scifaiku with a smile, edited by Teri Santitoro and published by Sam's Dot Publishing, and best of all I got paid for them! A free copy of the little book and $5.

Big Ben

The recent news that Big Ben will be silent for four to six weeks brought to mind a poem of mine which features the old clock and as I haven't posted a poem or short story here in a while I thought I'd put this one up for perusal.

Big Ben tolls the sombre voice of midnight

Big Ben tolls the sombre voice of midnight,
Awakens pigeons from their slumber.
Invites dank fog which follows roiling tide,
Up the River Thames, creeping, seeking.

Tendrils of misty vapour climb embankments,
Explore abutments of silent bridges,
Reach into gas-lamp illumed alleyways.
Which concede to its grasp and darken.

As the last knell fades into oblivion
So too does the sparkle of life in her eyes.
The mist reaches her now, inquisitive, pervading.
But to her, the dewy blanket comes as a friend.

Gently it covers the once warm, now still form,
Whose last movement is but the slowing,
Dripping, coagulating pool of blood, whose steam
Joins it fellow vapour, and explores onwards.

It writhes now, as he stands, wipes the tool of his handiwork,
And returns the blade to the leather doctor’s bag.
He surveys his great masterpiece.
A pique of displeasure crosses his face,

As London’s smog, in its shame, tries to hide his art.
Far off a shrill whistle sounds; a shutter closes.
Her whimpered cry, even though stifled, had found ears.
With a last, longing look, he turns; black cloak swirls, churns,

Her wispy blanket, parts, saddened to show what he called art,
What she called terror and unbearable pain,
The police, in their ignorance, shall call it ‘A Mystery’
History writes… ‘Jack the Ripper’s first victim’.

He leaves now, trailed by the mist too frail to hold him.
It condenses on the gaunt metal railings,
On the shimmering gas-lamp; it turns to tears that fall on her face
Only the fog knows him; but it can do nothing, but weep.

The Swallow Flies!

Six years later and the Doretti is ready for the road. The hood was made by a local chap in Swansea. He had some mohair material which was left over from a Mercedes soft top and that did very nicely, thank you. His recovering of the seats was pretty good too. Managed to source a brand new windscreen and after searching high and low I even managed to find a supplier for the unique rubber sealing needed to hold it in place. Things were looking up!

With the help of my late father-in-law, Tony Rinaldi, we jury-rigged a tripod hoist in my garage and with a great deal of effort and luck managed to get the engine into the car. It wasn’t long before the straight four TR2 power unit was rumbling away sweetly, a great note and throaty roar burbled its way out of the straight-through exhaust system and woke all the neighbours up.

The first test drive was around the little estate I live on and within days the car was ready for its first M.O.T. in decades. It passed first time. We had a lot of fun with the Doretti even though we never did any long distance driving in her. It’s strange, but after spending all that time and money on the car it worried me each time I took her out! I hated each stone chip, each damned fly that spattered against the paintwork, heaven forbid if someone scratched or bumped her! Even when I cleared most of the rubbish out of my single garage it was a struggle getting her in and out and I wondered how the hell I had ever managed to restore her in such a confined space, needs must, I suppose.

When the time came to the parting of our ways it was a sad but also happy moment (although to look at the photo of me with the money you’d be hard pressed to see the happy part!), sad because the car had been such a big part of my life for quite a few years, but happy because I knew it was going to a good home, Jill Royle, the daughter of one of the owners of an original Doretti dealership. In 2000 Jill sold STT 24 to Eddy de Heus of Loosdrecht in Holland to make room for an extremely rare Doretti Mk2 (HRF 60). As far as I know, Eddy, who is a passionate Doretti collector still has STT 24 and I was extremely pleased to see that he’d even taken the car on a jaunt through the Dordogne. Although I never got to drive her to exotic places like that I feel that a part of me is still with her, bonne chance STT 24…

Verging on the Mediocre

THANKS FOR YOUR HARD-EARNED CASH BOB!

Well I finally had enough today and booted my telephone and broadband provider into touch. I'm quite a patient bloke, can spend hours watching the tip of a fishing rod waiting for a bite, knowing full well there's no worm on the hook, but it's the thought that counts... there's mind over matter for you. Anyway, mind over matter, that brings me back to my ISP and 'phone, they don't mind charging me for two telephone lines for over a year even though I only have one. They don't mind charging me for receiving a TV package which I cancelled in March because I couldn't get the channels I was promised. They didn't mind disconnecting me immediately and picking up their set top box. It didn't matter that they kept on charging me for a service I can't receive anymore.

Back to the telephone... so, two lines for over a year, Customer Support worked out a refund of £200 or so was due, had my July bill today, had a refund of £10.37p hmm.

Ok deep breath, let's make a cuppa and start dialling... got through to CS after about 30mins and explained for the nth time the problem, was put on hold. Fast forward nearly an hour and I'm told I need to get transferred. I phone BT and arrange to get my old BT line re-activated, it's due to go live 6th August, my number will stay the same. Then I'm going to go with the Sky package (already have TV) now for phone and broadband. Get through to my original ISP again, wait in cue, write a 100,000 word novel, get through to an Asian lady, she asks me all that I've explained previously, I do so. Get put on hold, this time for over an hour, finally it dawns on me that no-one is going to come back on the line, I put down the receiver.

Need to make a call to my Mum, pick up the phone, it's dead. Can't ring out or receive calls. Just finished writing my letter of complaint and my copy to Ofcom, now waiting for my ISP to boot me out too.

The thing that compounds the insult is that I was a beta-tester for the first cable modems and broadband connection for this particular ISP and have been with them since the start... didn't I say I was patient? Well I don't mind, they can be as mediocre as they want from now on, doesn't matter to me anymore...

Oh, by the way, they did say:

An engineer is going to call to disconnect you and take away the set top box on 25th August...

I replied:

Ahem.. this was done back in March...

Doesn't matter sir, we'll send an engineer out on 25th August to disconnect you and collect the box...

The non-existent box? The one you disconnected and removed in March?

An engineer will collect it on 25th of March...

Sheeshh... just as well I don't have any hair to tear out isn't it?

And mediocre is probably too kind a word to use:

mediocre =
1.
of only ordinary or moderate quality; neither good nor bad; barely adequate.
2.
rather poor or inferior.

One of my shorts on Whispers of Wickedness

Whispers have published one of my shorts on their site, it's a knee-length pair that I wear during the winter when it gets a bit nippy... oops, sorry that's the wrong submission, was thinking of another site...

Here's the link to the Whispers one: Story

Here's an updated page from Screaming Dreams with a couple of reviews and a shopping cart thingy for anyone who'd like to order a copy of 'Flames' (signed by Steve and me) you'll have to click on paperback books and navigate to the correct page, couldn't link directly, Steve's been tweaking his site.

The cat's away Part 3

Well, I haven't been able to update the blog for over a week because utter chaos ensued after my last entry. My daughter ended up in hospital with pancreas problems and had to have surgery (she's on the mend now) thank goodness. My grandson went down with a virus, it's called 'Slapped Face Syndrome' and it truly looks as if someone has been belting him around the cheeks, they are red and rash-covered, it's contagious so I suppose my grand-daughter will come down with it too. And, the next invalid, Nia, my dog, has been really ill too. Remember I mentioned she was sick? Probably due to the Chinese meal left-overs? Well, I was wrong, believe it or not she had pancreas problems, yes, you've read it right, the same sort of thing as my daughter (who says lightning never strikes twice?) Last week-end the dog was really ill, took her to my vet on Sunday and they gave her some injections (one of which was a pain-killer). Got her home and tried to get her out of my car and she collapsed, saliva running from her mouth like a tap, my neighbour, a nurse, advised me to get her back to the vet ASAP. Got back there and it was closed. Had to go to an emergency vet where they thought she had a reaction to the pain-killer (which was opiate-based) they kept her over-night and gave her IV. She's been ill all week and Friday I had to drive her to a specialist in Bristol who did scans, she has Pancreatitis and a heart murmur, she's slowly recovering but has to go on a strict no-fat diet. I haven't got her insured and this week believe it or not I've spent over £1000 getting her sorted out.
What a bloody week, I just hope things have reached their peak now and normality looms large on the horizon!

Tha cat's away Part 2

Hmm... bachelorhood isn't all that it's cracked up to be. Experimented with the washing machine and managed to get quite a lot of my T-shirts, trousers, sweat-shirt, covered in loads of pink fluffy stuff which seems to have migrated from a bath-towel. The bath-towel looks kind of bald now but I've got colour co-ordinated clothes, I just don't dare wear them...
Next thing that went wrong was ordering too much Chinese from the takeaway, my eyes were bigger than my stomach, but being a generous bloke I thought I'd share out the remains with my two faithful hounds, they both gobbled it up. However, late last night I awoke to the sound of projectile vomiting (good job they had elected to sleep in the conservatory instead of on the bed) however, Nia, the biggest, was on the settee and managed to pebble dash it, all the cushions, a large part of the wall, the floor and my other dog. I had to hose most of the stuff off and then chucked it all into the washine machine again, I've got a feeling the washing machine doesn't like me because it wouldn't start, then it wouldn't bloody open either for me to get the vomit-covered stuff out. I threatened it with the sweeping brush which caused Nia to vomit again, this time in the kitchen and it worked. So all clean again but I wonder what next adventure lies in wait for me? Think I'll do the ironing....

Whilst the cat's away...

I'm a bachelor for a couple of weeks whilst the wife visits relatives in Italy so I'm doing all the things I get told off about doing when she's here, for example, I'm eating all those rubbishy ready-made foods which all Italian wives frown at. You know the ones, they tempt you even though you know there's more goodness in the packaging than in the product. I've let the dogs sleep on the bed! I've 'pruned' runaway bushes in the garden (which I'm not allowed to touch) (they could be dead now) shhh... I've taken up a 10 day free trial of World of Warcraft (Burning Crusade add-on) and resurrected my level 60 Warrior - Cormac - yeah, yeah I'm a fan of Neal Asher - and am clicking away killing mobs, npcs, other players (Horde characters) though mostly I'm getting my arse handed to me as I'm not as quick as youngsters that play this game, there should be bonuses for old giffers like me...
I've had Classic FM rattling my windows with my Hi-Fi turned up to OUCH! When I've had time to watch the telly I've watched programs I like! Sheesh, now when I look at it all it seems pretty mundane stuff, where are the parties? Where are the strippers? Where are the kegs of beer? I must be getting old... Oh well, time for dinner, now let's see, will it be that Chinesy thingy with all the coloured bits in or that weird-looking curry? Hmm... or I could pop around to the pub and have a steak and a pint...

Update on the Pratchett Play

Well I went to see The Truth by Terry Pratchett in The Dylan Thomas Theatre, Swansea with my wife and daughter on Friday night and really enjoyed it.
The adaptation by Stephen Briggs was as good as I expected (already seen one by him before) All cast members gave a good performance and Brian Willis was outstanding as Mr.Pin, one of the hit-men, in fact I thought he was too good, makes you wonder what his day job is...
I'd really have liked to have taken some photos but it wasn't allowed, oh well...

Terry Pratchett comes to Swansea

Ok, perhaps a bit misleading, Terry himself isn't coming but one of his books is being brought to life on the stage of The Dylan Thomas Theatre between June 12th and June 16th, performances start at 7.30pm and tickets are £7 each (I think there are concessions though)
The play being performed is The Truth which is Terry's 25th novel and deals with the first Disc World Newspaper.
Brian Willis (Hideous Progeny, Scorpion etc) is playing the part of Mr.Pin one of the psycho hit men and if the play is anything like the last Disc World one I saw at this venue then the audience is in for a good time.

Adapted by Stephen Briggs

Directed by Lianne Halliday

Hopefully I'll be attending the Friday evening performance and going for a pint afterwards in the pub across the road.

Rescue Me! I want to see more!

Arghh! I can't stand it!

Watched the series three finale of the American Firefighter series Rescue Me the other night and it ends on such a damn cliff-hanger that I'm gagging to see what happens.

Emmy nominee Denis Leary has done some excellent writing throughout the whole series, in my opinion, and, I have to admit to never really liking the guy when he was doing stand-up comedy, but this is a whole other kettle of fish. He's not only the co-creator but also co-writer (along with Peter Tolan) and plays Tommy Gavin, a New York City firefighter who has to overcome post 9/11 depression, alchoholism, a dysfunctional family and the anguish of losing his young son to a drunk driver.

As far as storyline goes don't expect great battles where firefighters combat roaring infernos that seem impossible to overcome, oh, that does happen from time to time but the joy of this series is in the characters themselves and the mundane everyday things that goes on in the background of their lives. Each character is a little gem in a brilliantly written set of stories, makes our London's Burning look like cheap costume jewellery in comparison.

Leary has even set up The Leary Firefighters Foundation in response to a massive fire in his home town of Worcester which claimed the lives of six firefighter which included his cousin and also his best friend.

Spoiler:

The series three finale leaves viewers holding their breath as Tommy Gavin wakes up from a drug-induced sleep (administered by Sheila who wanted to keep him home for the night) and struggles to leave the burning house only to collapse before finding the way out. We're left wondering if Tommy and Sheila survive, or they too go the way of many of their friends and former colleagues.

There are some clues on the Rescue Me website, series four is due to start in June but I imagine that means in America and not the UK, I'd guess we'll get it here sometime in the autumn or winter. So, if you don't know this program, now is the time to start watching it from series one.

Even the opening credits are a joy to watch and the opening soundtrack C'mon C'mon by Von Bondies rocks your socks off...

... did I mention I like this program?

First review of 'Flames'

Just had my first review of 'Flames' and boy oh boy was it a great one! And I need to thank Garry Charles for his kind words. The full review can be read on the Whispers of Wickedness site.

Flames of Herakleitos eligible for Welsh Book Of The Year 2008

I'm not going to get my hopes up but can't help but feel a little excited to see that 'Flames' is eligible for The Welsh Book Of The Year 2008 and is listed on Acamedi's site : Academi

I'm in the March list and numbered four. It's early days yet, probably many more books to be added and already there are some tough books to beat and some pretty big names in there.

How it all works is a mystery to me, I don't know if it works on sales or if there is a voting system. Unfortunately, if it is sales-based I think 'Flames' will struggle as it will be difficult to get it stocked in bricks and mortar shops due to publishing costs and the discounts that the big shops expect. However, it seems to be moving quite well on Amazon, so who knows?

The continuing story of Swallow Doretti – STT 24

It didn’t take me very long to realise that perhaps I had bitten off more than I could chew with this endeavour. I’ve always tinkered with cars (old ones – new ones are best left to robots and computers) and had got my TR4 back on the road after buying it with a seized engine, so thought, ‘what the heck? It’s not all that bad… hmm’
First thing to do was power wash the whole thing to try and get rid of the dog poo smell. It didn’t work; the bloody thing seemed to be ingrained into the metal. I tried to leave most of the car outside on nice days, just to air it. Even took the partially stripped chassis to Singleton Park in Swansea where they have a Classic Car Show in May. It brought many enquiring people to its side, mostly asking what the smell was…

With the car dismantled and the engine sent off to be stripped down and examined by a professional -- I know my limits-- I began to do what I could in my single garage. The chassis was in very good condition, due to the aforementioned chrome-molybdenum steel which doesn’t rust. Superficial dirt and detritus was wire-brushed off and soon bright metal showed underneath. This was rust-proofed (just in case) and then the chassis was painted with black Hammerite (great stuff). The chassis out-riggers were mild steel and they had to be cut off and new ones made up and welded on. I treated myself to a MIG welder and found out the hard way never to weld lying down with the weld seam dropping bits of red hot metal down your neck. The inner body shell was also mild steel and so were the floors which had rotted away completely. Fortunately enough, TR2 floors were very similar in shape and were available as new parts. Two were ordered and fitted, with some adjustments made. Other pieces were cut back to sound metal and new panels and pieces were let in. Steering was TR2 so all those parts were renewed as was suspension. The petrol tank was mild steel and was like a sieve, however it was used as a template and I had an engineering company make me a new one in stainless steel, you can see my old Jack Russell guarding it in one of the photos (gone now btw, great dog he was). Ohh! The red car on the cover of the magazine near the tank is… yes, a Doretti.

The doors were pretty sound, but the skins were in bad shape, so I chiselled them off and once again used them as templates for new ones. They were made in mild steel, even though all other outer panels were aluminium, because of the possibility of them taking knocks during their lifetime, aluminium although being light and rust-proof is very easy to dent. Ahh, I said rust-proof, well actually is does rust but in its own way. I think perhaps it’s some kind of oxidisation, or whatever the term is, because where the panels fitted to the mild steel body there was a weakening and even holing of the metal. I was told this is due to some sort of electric charge that happens between the two metals; perhaps it’s true, too technical for me. Where necessary this was patched and strengthened by a professional aluminium welder, again something that a specialist needed to do.

At last the car began to take shape. The mild steel inner body had been bead-blasted and primed, pieces added and primed and finally offered up to the chassis and it all fitted very well indeed.
The inner bodywork I painted myself in my garage as much of it wouldn’t be seen anyway. Then the outer skin went on. Once again it went together much better than I imagined. By now I had received the re-built engine (crank reground, new bearings, four new piston liners, four new pistons, new valves, head skimmed etc etc) so I had fitted it in place before putting the body on, however the body slotted over with no problem. It was only later that I realised the engine couldn’t stay in situ because the bloody engine bay was going to be sprayed with the rest of the car… everyone say d’oh!

And so STT 24 began looking like a car again, petrol tank went in, I started trying to find a source for a new windscreen (old one was cracked) and took the seats to an old guy in Swansea who did car re-upholstery, also took him the old hood which was so moth-eaten it had begun to look worse than my bank balance…
Next instalment will be added sometime soon. How will the re-spray turn out? Where will I get a wiring loom from? How the hell am I going to get the engine back into the engine bay without a crane? Why does my bank manager want to see me?

Why isn't stuff researched a little more, or am I too fussy?

I enjoy watching SF stuff (films, series etc etc) and also reading the same. As you probably know I enjoy writing it too. Although I haven't an academic or scientific background I try my best to be accurate with what I write and usually research the subject. Therefore, when I see(and it's mostly through that medium and not books that I spot the flaws) things like in the last Doctor Who, where the hospital is transported to the moon, the Doctor explains that they are within a protective force-field and that's how they can breath, how come he didn't explain why the gravity seemed to still be Earth-standard? How when the alien space-craft landed and the aliens marched across the moon's surface you could hear their stomping boots? Okay, you might say, well Doctor Who is aimed at kids, point taken. But what about last night's Battlestar Galactica (spoiler here) 'A day in the life' where we see Cally and Tyrol working in a damaged airlock only to find out that it's still leaking atmosphere and it automatically shuts them in to protect the rest of the ship. So how can they escape? By blowing out the main airlock doors and getting shot out into space and then captured by a shuttle holding position outside. Their protection? Little face masks like the ones that drop out of airplane ceilings just before you kiss your arse goodbye. From how the episode ends it looks as though they survive with nothing more than a couple of burst blood vessels in their eyes. Now, I thought, but I admit I'm no expert, but shouldn't rapid decompression affect you a lot more than that? Doesn't even being in space for a few seconds mean that because of your internal body pressure you suffer ruptured organs, boiled blood, frozen extremities? Oh well, perhaps I am being too picky...

But I certainly would have wanted to wear a space-suit

First Swallow of the summer

This time of year always makes me think of my old Swallow Doretti which I discovered tucked in the back of a garage in Swansea in 1989. It was in a very poor condition and served as the sleeping place for a Doberman (and also it's toilet) At the time I owned and drove a Triumph TR4 (will do a story on that in the future) which I had to sell to make room for the Doretti as I only have a single garage. My wife thought I was mad when I got the car (if it could be classed as one at that time) home. It was stinking of dog poo, old oil and quietly rusting metal. However, I knew it was a rarity and well worth the trouble of restoring, six years later I was finally proved right, but it was a long, hard six years. The Swallow Doretti was designed back in the 1950s by an engineer named Frank Rainbow for The Swallow Sidecar Company, which evolved into Jaguar.

Only about 290 were made and many of those went abroad, mine was chassis number 1181. Dorettis have an aluminium skin over steel frame and a chrome-molybdenum chassis which was very, very strong. The running gear and engine was TR2 1998 cc straight four. If I've imbedded a flash slideshow correctly you should see some photos of the car before restoration work took place. Over the next few days I'll update the blog with more photos of how the restoration went and how the car finally turned out. As you can see, when I started the work I still had my hair...

Poetry site updated

Somehow my poetry site got deleted this week (someone trying to tell me something?) However, I think I've got it sorted now and the link should be working again. Here it is, and if you don't like it just say so, don't go deleting it again!

http://www.celt.org.uk